It is better to have overly high expectations than to set no bar at all.
To all the single ladies out there, are you asking for a specific kind of man, or are you just singing the single girl anthem.
Wanting a man is a thing. Wanting the right kind of man who knows how to meet all relationship needs is another thing entirely.
Many times, the difference between those who get ‘perfect’ men and those who stumble their way into relationships with any type of man that comes along is in ‘knowing’. Some women know exactly what they want, while there is another group of women who are either unsure or unbothered about creating expectations in their hearts for the kind of man they want to be with.
And that is a problem. In fact, this writer believes that it is better to have overly high expectations than to set no bar at all.
When you are not specific about the kind of man you need, you expose yourself to the possibility of falling with just anyone. It’s like taking on a project without any plan or preparing to go on a journey without packing the necessary supplies. No matter how you choose to view it, it’s not a good way to go about things.
To attract the type of man you want to be proud of, to get the premium kind of man, you would need to be a little more specific than you are now.
How to be specific when asking and hoping for the one
American actress, Nicole Ari Parker’s format on this issue is exemplary and could prove to be the perfect sample for you if you are at that stage where you need to set or reset your priorities.
When asked on Instagram to share the prayer that got her her man, the mother of two used an interesting narration of a conversation she had with God to explain her method. Nicole has been married to actor, Boris Kodjoe since 2005.
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To get the kind of love she needed, the actress says she made a list on God’s command where she wrote everything she needed her man to be, which included “the spiritual stuff, the heart & mental stuff, the physical and the financial.”
The actress said she was specific by asking for a man that is “loving, warm, wants to be a husband and father: fine, wants to provide, mentally, physically and spiritually strong. Affectionate, curious about the world, likes to travel, likes music, likes history, likes art, likes the theatre, big hands, big feet, sexy, really smart, funny, fun, got jokes, makes the highest and best choices for himself, has that “no-matter-what-I-got-this” spirit cause ish is gonna happen, respects his mother, forgives his father, loves himself and knows God.”
One other aspect of this conversation is how to be the type of woman who this great man would want to be with. When women draw up these specific needs, they usually forget that that is only a part of the requirements.
The other half is to actually be the woman who can get and, more importantly, keep the kind of great man they are hoping for.
Nicole Ari Parker recognized this while waiting for a man in her life. So after making all those demands she went on to work on herself.
She speaks in that same Instagram post on how she “proceeds to get mind right and affairs in order, rereads “Their Eyes Were Watching God”, goes to therapy, examines issues, forgives herself and others, calls parents more often, renews passport, goes to church, does a sit up and goes for a run, dusts off that business idea I had, remembers to laugh, buys nice lotion and rubs it all over body EVERYDAY, then buys some more, stays grateful for all her parts, cherishes friends, dances in her room, balances checkbook, makes green juice, loves herself.”
She adds that her man didn’t come around till this process was duly followed. And it really won’t be farfetched to say that her example is worth following.
When you spell out your needs and are certain of them, you’ll know when the man that fits the bill comes around. And by being the best version of yourself as a woman, he won’t be disappointed when he meets you and see the content of your soul.